The Moment Keeper Read online

  “Look, Matt,” Grandma said as he walked into the kitchen.

  I sat in the metal high chair giggling as Grandma pretended the spoon was an airplane and made airplane noises as she flew the spoon toward my mouth.

  “Coming in for a landing,” Grandma said. “Open wide.”

  I opened my mouth and Grandma slid the spoon in, scooping up the cereal that slid from my rubbery lips onto my chin.

  Matt walked over. “What did you want to show me?”

  “Sarah’s got her first tooth. See it there? On the bottom? That little piece of white poking through her gum.”

  “Yeah, so what? She’s got a damn tooth. I have a mouthful.”

  “Matt, it’s your baby’s first tooth.”

  “She’s more your baby than mine,” said Matt, pouring a cup of coffee and walking away.

  He paused when he got to the door and turned around. “The tooth is nice.”

  “Where did you find that?” Elizabeth asks Tom as he walks in carrying a stuffed tooth about the size of a grapefruit.

  “Where I buy all of her stuffed animals,” he said.

  “The store at the mall?”

  Tom nodded. “They have everything there.”

  Elizabeth smiles. “Yeah, and pretty soon we’ll have it all here.”

  “Gotta celebrate the milestone, Liz.”

  Tom shakes the fuzzy white tooth and it rattles. “Lookie what Daddy has, Libby Love.”

  He walks over to the playpen and picks up Olivia. He shakes the tooth and Olivia laughs. Slobber slides down her chin and onto her pink bib embroidered with “Daddy’s little girl”. Tom gives Olivia the rattle and she shakes it and giggles. As always, Elizabeth snaps photo after photo. Her camera and video recorder are never far from her.

  “Where are you going?” Grandma asked Matt.

  “Out.”

  “Out where?”

  “Just Out.”

  “Matt, this has got to stop. Drinking every night. Your grandfather died a drunk and I swore I would never bring up a child in the same house as a drunk.”

  “I’m not a drunk. I just need to get away at night.”

  “Then go to the gym instead of that bar. It’d be better for you.”

  “My friends are at that bar.”

  “Friends? You call them friends?”

  “Yeah. Friends.”

  “They’re losers, Matt. A bunch of deadbeat dads and worthless husbands. If Sue were alive she’d…”

  Matt whipped around. Fire-engine red flooded his scrappy unshaven face. He hammered the air with his arm, using the movement to emphasize his words. “Don’t. You. Ever. And I mean never. Bring Sue up. She’s gone. Died and left me with her.”

  He pointed to me in the playpen.

  “Don’t blame Sarah for Sue’s death, Matt. That little girl is the best of both of you.”

  “Well, then take her. Celebrate her first tooth and leave me the hell out of it.”

  Matt walked out the door and Grandma picked me up and held me and cried me to sleep.

  “Are you sure you want to go out tonight?” Elizabeth asks Tom.

  “We haven’t been out alone since we got Libby. As much as I love her, I want to take you on a special date. Don’t worry. Your mom knows what to do.”

  Elizabeth hugs Olivia before putting her in the playpen so she can finish getting ready.

  “Do you think I’m getting fat?” she asks Tom, turning around in the black silk dress she bought at the new boutique by the bank.

  “Yeah, as a matter of fact I was just thinking how much you’re starting to resemble a pregnant hippo.” Tom laughs.

  Elizabeth picks up the hairbrush on her vanity and throws it at him. “I’m serious. Do you think my butt’s getting fat?”

  “No, Liz. Your butt’s beautiful.”

  “What about my thighs?”

  “They’re perfect, too.”

  “My boobs?”

  “Not that I wouldn’t mind it if they were fatter, er, bigger, but they’re the same size they’ve always been. And they’re perfect.”

  “There has to be some part of me that’s not beautiful or perfect,” Elizabeth says.

  “Well, now that you mention it, you do have a little wiry hair that grows out of that mole beside your lip that looks a little witchy. Sometimes, I just want to pluck it but I’m too scared to touch it. I think it might attack me.”

  Elizabeth chases Tom around the room and wrestles him to the ground and Libby starts to cry.

  “You’re making her cry,” Tom says.

  The bell rings.

  “Lucky for you, Mom’s here,” Elizabeth says.

  Tom opens the door and Cindy walks in carrying her bag of knitting supplies.

  “There’s my little princess,” she says, putting her bag on the antique cherry table.

  She takes Olivia from Tom. “It’s just me and you tonight, my little Libby Love.”

  Elizabeth walks into the room wearing her new dress that showcases her hourglass figure and endless toothpick legs.

  Tom whistles.

  Cindy smiles. “You look like a million bucks, Liz.”

  “Thanks, Mom. Are you sure you know what to do?”

  “Liz. I had five daughters. I think I know what to do. Quit worrying. Go out with your husband and have some fun. Just because you’re parents doesn’t mean you stop being a couple.”

  “I know, but…”

  “But nothing. Libby and I will be fine. Now go.”

  Elizabeth sees the knitting bag on the table. “What are you making now?”

  “Oh, just another sweater for Libby.”

  “But you already made her two.”

  “Well, I decided she needed another one. This one’s a pretty green. Oh, and I’m also knitting her some hats. Found a pattern with this cute flower in the front that I think she’ll look adorable in.”

  Elizabeth smiles and kisses Libby then her mom. “Thanks, Mom. You’re the best.”

  She takes a couple of steps then turns around. “Mom, is there a hair coming out of this mole beside my mouth?”

  Elizabeth sticks out her head and tilts her chin so her mom can examine the mole.

  “I don’t see any hair. Who said you had a hair? Did you see a hair?”

  Tom laughs and Cindy looks at him. “Don’t tell my daughter she has a hair coming out of her mole because we will never hear the end of it. Now go and have some fun.”

  “Which one do you like better?” Grandma asked me. “The pink or the purple?”

  A baby me sat in the seat of the blue plastic shopping cart, looking at the two bolts of fabric in Grandma’s hands.

  “Ma. Ma. Ma.”

  “That’s right. Grandma’s right here. Would you like Grandma to make you a pink dress or a purple dress?”

  “May I help you?” a saleswoman asked Grandma.

  “Yes, please. I’ll take this pink and purple, oh, and why not, that yellow.”

  Grandma pointed to the pale yellow fabric behind her. “I can’t decide so I’ll make her all three.”

  The saleswoman smiled at me. “She’s an absolute doll. Is her hair naturally curly?”

  “Yes, just like her mother’s.”

  “You’re a lucky little girl,” the saleswoman said to me. “I wish I had someone to make me dresses.”

  The saleswoman got the fabric for Grandma and we headed for checkout.

  “Next on our list, Sarah, is to get you a coat.”

  “Ma. Ma. Ma.”

  Grandma picked me up and put me in her dented Chevy sedan and we pulled out of the discount department store parking lot and headed for the Goodwill store.

  Chapter 4

  “That’s it, Libby. Pull yourself up. Good girl. Now come to Daddy.”

  I watch as Tom coaxes Olivia, who’s holding onto the edge of the cherry coffee table, to let go and walk toward him. Olivia smiles and giggles and lifts her pudgy, dimpled hands. She takes one step toward Tom before falling backward on her diape
r-clad bottom.

  She pulls herself up again and falls backward again. After a few more tries, Olivia takes two steps toward Tom before he catches her and keeps her from falling.

  Tom continues to work with Olivia, moving farther and farther from her. She takes high marching steps, lifting her knees, then jabbing the floor with her tiny feet. Eventually, she toddles to Tom and falls into his open arms. She seems surprised that she was able to walk that far without falling. She giggles some more.

  “Good girl, Libby. Good girl.” He hugs her and kisses her freshly bathed head. “Wait until Mommy sees what we’ve been working on. She’s going to be so proud of you.”

  Just yesterday, Olivia had pulled herself up and walked around the coffee table while holding onto it for the first time. Today, she finally gets the nerve to let go.

  Tom scoops her up and sits on the couch and reads her a book before tucking her into bed.

  I don’t think Matt ever did anything with me. If he had loved me an eighth of what Tom loves Olivia, maybe things would have been different. But you can’t make someone love you. Believe me, I tried. I tried to be good all of the time. Do everything I was told. But Matt was always so angry. Even when I learned to walk and Grandma was so proud of me the only thing on Matt’s mind was how my newfound freedom made me even more of a pain in the ass.

  “Can’t you keep her in one room?” Matt asked Grandma one day.

  “Matt, she’s not an animal that you can cage. It’s natural for her to want to explore.”

  “Well, I don’t need her exploring and getting into my stuff.”

  “Then close your bedroom door. Besides, maybe she just wants to be near you.”

  “Well, I don’t want to be near her. Keep her out of my room, out of my stuff.”

  “Why don’t you just move out if you’re that miserable?” Grandma said.

  “Don’t worry, when I can afford to I will.”

  Elizabeth holds up princess-themed party invitations. “How about this, Libby?”

  Olivia sits in the grocery cart gnawing on a red plastic teething ring. Her yellow bib is soaked from her drool.

  “Princess invitations for a princess,” Elizabeth says as she puts them in the cart. “After all, you only turn one once.”

  Elizabeth finds the coordinating tableware and tosses plates, cups, napkins, tablecloths, a centerpiece, utensils, pink and white streamers and other party decorations into the cart. She then orders a balloon bouquet for the big day, selecting a huge princess balloon along with several Mylar balloons and a few latex ones.

  “She’s cute,” the clerk tells Elizabeth.

  “Thank you.”

  “Love her curly hair. Guess she gets that from her father.”

  Elizabeth, whose hair is straight as straw, smiles. “Actually, we’re not sure where she gets it from.”

  “That’s like me,” the clerk says. “I was born without two adult teeth. My dentist said it’s a congenital thing, usually hereditary. But Mom doesn’t know anyone in the family who’s missing two teeth.”

  “So what did you do?” Elizabeth asks.

  “About what?”

  “The teeth.”

  “Oh. Got implants, and they were way expensive. Mom said she’s spent a mint on my mouth.”

  “Well, they look nice,” Elizabeth says. “You have a great smile. I would never have known your teeth weren’t real.”

  “Thanks.”

  Olivia’s teething ring falls on the floor. Elizabeth picks it up and puts it in her purse and pulls out another one from the diaper bag to give her.

  “I hope she’s not missing any teeth,” the clerk says.

  Elizabeth smiles. “Me, too. I suppose we’ll just have to wait and see. There’s some things I guess you just don’t know.”

  “Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Sarah. Happy birthday to you.”

  Grandma placed the cake she had baked in front of me. It had vanilla icing and she decorated it with sprinkles and a big candle in the shape of the numeral one. It was just me and Grandma. There were no aunts or uncles or cousins. Grandma had no family. And there was no Matt.

  Grandma snapped photos as I dug my baby fingers into the cake.

  “Taste the icing, Sarah,” she said. “Mmm, good.”

  I started to tear up. Icing dripped from my hands. I didn’t like being messy. Grandma took a swipe of the icing with her index finger and put it up to my mouth. I tasted the sweet icing and realized the stuff on my fingers was good. Real good. I licked the icing off my fingers and dug them back into the cake and licked them clean again and again.

  Grandma laughed. “That’s my girl. Get messy. Enjoy it. You’re one.”

  I had cake and icing in my hair and all over my face. Grandma waited until I was good and messy and the cake was wrecked before removing it from the tray on my high chair.

  “Do you ever think about her mother?” Elizabeth asks Tom.

  “I try not to,” Tom says. “I mean, I’m grateful we have Libby, but I don’t understand how her mother could do what she did.”

  “Do you worry that we don’t know anything about her mother?”

  “Like what?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. Like if she was born without two adult teeth.”

  Tom tilts his head and scrunches his eyes so his eyebrows almost meet in the middle. “What are you talking about?”

  Elizabeth shifts in her seat. “The clerk at the party store told me she was born without two adult teeth. Said it was congenital.”

  “So?”

  “Well, it just got me thinking. We don’t know the birth mother’s health history. What if Libby’s missing two of her adult teeth or…?”

  “Look, Liz. We can’t worry about what we don’t know. If Libby is missing two adult teeth, then we’ll get her two. Simple as that. Whatever Libby faces, we’ll be there to help her. No matter what that might be.”

  “I love you,” Elizabeth tells Tom. “Thanks for putting up with my worrying self.”

  Tom kisses her. “You wouldn’t be you if you didn’t worry. But worry about the things you can control, not the things you can’t. Whatever happens, we’re in this together.”

  “You missed your daughter’s first birthday,” Grandma told Matt as he stumbled into the kitchen. He popped a handful of aspirin into his mouth and chased them with a swig of black coffee.

  “Sorry. I forgot.”

  “That collection department called again,” Grandma said. “You better call them back.”

  Matt didn’t answer.

  “Have any interviews lined up?”

  Matt shook his head.

  “You need to find something, Matt. You’ve got bills to pay.”

  “Christ, Mom. Can’t I just eat breakfast in peace for once?”

  He looked at me in my high chair eating Cheerios.

  “Da. Da.” I pinched a Cheerio and offered it to him.

  Matt’s eyes became glassy. He held out his palm and I placed the Cheerio in it. His lips mashed into a limp smile, and he slid the Cheerio into his jeans pocket.

  He didn’t realize that Grandma was watching. She placed her hand over her heart and a tear slipped from the corner of her wrinkled eye.

  Matt grunted goodbye and left, slamming the door behind him. He was gone. Again.

  Grandma walked over to me and patted the top of my head. “There’s a man who’s spent so much time being angry that he doesn’t know how to be anything but. Don’t let anger consume you, Sarah. Anger destroys everything that’s good.”

  Chapter 5

  Elizabeth gathers silky strands of hair into a cluster on top of Olivia’s head and clips it with a pink lacey bow. “Such a pretty girl.”

  “Da. Da. Da.”

  “Yes, Daddy is getting his picture taken, too.”

  Tom walks into the nursery, with a beautiful hand-painted mural depicting various nursery rhymes, and Olivia claps her pudgy hands. “Da. Da. Da.”

  He picks up
Olivia and kisses her and then Elizabeth. “My girls look beautiful.”

  “Do you like our matching dresses?” Elizabeth asks.

  Tom smiles. “Gorgeous, as always.”

  The dresses are a pink floral print. Elizabeth’s is sleeveless and Olivia’s has capped sleeves and a big bow around the waist that ties in the back.

  “Found them online at a really neat boutique. Bought two others.”

  “Don’t tell me anymore,” Tom says. “I don’t want to know how much this new online boutique is costing me.”

  Elizabeth tilts her head and fakes a pout. “You always say your girls deserve the best.”

  “Yep,” Tom said. “Nothing but the best.”

  I remember the day I was cleaning out Grandma’s closet. It was right after she died and I was making good on my promise to donate all of her clothes to Goodwill. I found a big box of pictures stuffed in a dark corner underneath a stack of old wool blankets. I spent the entire afternoon looking through them. There were photos of Matt when he was little. It was hard to believe that the freckled-faced boy with the toothless grin in the red and blue Spider-Man pajamas had become one of the biggest drunks on this side of the Mason-Dixon Line.

  I found pictures of Matt’s dad, my grandfather, who died from a heart attack when Matt was in ninth grade. That’s when Matt met my mom. They sat beside one another in science class. Grandma told me the story. She said my mom grew up in foster homes and that my parents got married right out of high school. “Way too young,” she said. “But you couldn’t tell them any different.”

  I opened a small manila folder and found my parents’ wedding pictures. It didn’t look as if there were a lot of people at the wedding. Just Grandma and a couple of my parents’ friends. Maybe a half-dozen people. It looked as if it was held in the white gazebo at the park by the high school. I recognized the gazebo’s copper cupola with a finial on top and the brick walkway that circled the structure.

  My parents looked so young in the pictures, Mom in her white cotton dress and Matt in a pair of black dress pants, white shirt and tie. The flowers Mom held looked like one of those cheap bouquets you can buy at the grocery store.